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deerlyBeloved: FantasticBeast

Is that a beast in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? ;)

Meek in the streets, but possibly a beast in the sheets. It's the quiet ones that are the most likely to be the wildest in bed. This fine specimen doesn't know, since he's a virgin, but that doesn't mean he isn't willing to have a grand ol' time either. What this man needs is someone who can tame the wilds of his heart and bring out his primal needs and the wild beast within.

He may seem a bit shy, but he'll surely bloom under the right circumstances if you get what I mean.

Like a true Hufflepuff, he's loyal at heart and a hard worker. He'll surely show that hard work where you want him to.

PS: He turns 30 on the 24th. Give him a night to remember.

( Newt Scamander | 30 | M | Wild like his creatures )

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Why would people need a dating app? What happened to just meeting others in person??? What

That sounds absolutely dreadful!!!

[The future is awful??? THIS IS AWFUL???]

I

CHLOE?!

[Wow, he wants to die???]

Please tell me that you haven't been considering the status of by virginity for this long.

Please.

i did that once and i got drugged, 0/10 i'll stick to strangers who i know are upfront about wanting it to be casual

of course i have
what else am i going to do after your incredibly hilarious attempt to define fuck

You got drugged?!

[Wow, the future sounds bleak for the dating scene. Things seem so much easier from his point in time.

Then again, he meets his future wife after his niffler tries to steal from a muggle bank and half of New York gets destroyed while there. That, and being hung up over someone who he took the fall for during school for endangering others. He doesn't have much room to talk.]

Everything about the future just sounds rather terrible and unnecessary. Is this really what muggles look forward to in your day and age?

I. Why?

That's what it is though. F

[No. No, he's not gonna type it.]

It's such a vulgar word and you wouldn't want to write such a thing when explaining sexual intercourse on an academic level!

it's a long story

[ Or maybe it's a short one and just feels long because of the context. Toss up. ]

YUP. the future blows, don't bother with it

lmao omg
newt
buddy
fuck
F U C K
fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck
it's not that hard
and no one is trying to be academic when they're talking about fucking, just as an fyi

:(

[She might not like emojis and Newt isn't really one to use them, but a sad face really sums up the thought about the future being awful.]

I can't use such a terrible word in the company of others!!! Golly, so many people would be affronted at me using such a crass word.

[Chloe is probably affronted by the word golly, to be honest.]

Sex is a fine enough word. I don't think I have to resort to using that word.

don't use those

[ She is EXCEPTIONALLY offended by the use of the word golly, so much so that it takes her a few minutes to word just how awful this is. ]

holy fucking shit
you can't be real
do you say gee wilickers too?
sassafras?
darn tootin

how are we friends

Oh. I was told that people informally use them with their friends. Is that wrong?

[Wow, what does she have against the word golly!!!]

What? No. I haven't used any of those before. Why are you asking that?

I believe we became friends after my niffler stole an ornament with your name on it, actually. I feel like that question was rhetorical, but I'll answer it all the same.

[Clearly, Chloe can blame his niffler.]

any friends but me

BECAUSE YOU JUST SAID FUCKING "GOLLY" WITHOUT A HINT OF SARCASM

you are correct, it was rhetorical, but that is how we became friends

I do apologize.

[A MAN SO POLITE HE APOLOGIZES FOR POSTING AN EMOJI.]

Is it not a word regularly used anymore? My vocabulary is rather dated it seems...

I think you're very aware about my use of words though. I only did use applesauce back in the sinkhole.

[Which brings them full circle to how Chloe assumed he was a virgin.]

Would you prefer we're not friends??

[ she was gonna keep making fun of him but uh back the truck up here ]

what?
no
i didn't say that

Oh.

It's nothing against you or anything actually. I suppose I was a bit curious. I've had plenty of people who get rather tired and exasperated by my antics.

I'm actually rather relieved to hear that. Even if I'm feeling completely mortified right now by this blasted thing, I'm quite happy that we're friends.

Even if your vocabulary would make a Ministry employee possibly faint.

[ Ah shit. This takes her a while to get back to because damn if that doesn't... hit really close to home. And given that she's been pushing people away as of later, and trying really hard to correct that behavior since talking to Angela and Shiro, it brings up many feelings.

How dare. ]

the more i make fun of you, the more it means i like you
just ask max
i give that girl HELL

i'm not a very good friend, and i might be more of a bitch when things get bad, but i don't leave people

also your ministry employees are weak

[Newt is here to force feelings no matter what. Chloe should have expected this all the times she has talked to him.]

I feel like I've heard that kind of statement when referring to children and their friends. People sure do make their affections difficult to understand sometimes.
This is actually unsurprising though.
I mean
All the times you've teased me, I have never felt it to ever be malicious towards me. I have learned the different between malicious ridicule and friendly teasing.

You've been a wonderful friend. This place brings the best and worst out of us, I think.
Your heart is in the right place though. I think that's worth pointing out and for you to know.

Most people don't speak so freely as you do as far as word choice!

good cause i make it pretty fucking clear when it's malicious, don't worry

also censoring yourself is garbage

[ She has no idea how to handle being complimented in any way so she does what she does best with things she can't handle; IGNORES IT ENTIRELY. This is healthy. ]

You certainly haven't been malicious to me, so I will be glad that I've never had to be on the receiving end.

It isn't censoring. It's merely being polite! My mum would have a fit if she knew I was nothing less than courteous.

[One day, she'll accept the compliments he gives her!!!]

if i ever start getting nasty, call me out, because i'm probably just having a mental break down or something

and this is why you're a virgin

I'm more concerned about the mental breakdown more than you saying something a tad nasty, honestly. I try not to let words get under my skin too much, so I rather be able to help out in someway if you're in a mood.

What does that have to do with me being a virgin?!

i am absolutely not drunk enough for this kind of emotional conversation topic

you worry about what YOUR MOM would think about what you do
this has EVERYTHING to do with you being a virgin

Oh. I won't push it then.

If you need to talk though, you're free to come to me. I won't make you though, of course.

I think we've well established that I typically either worry a lot about what people think of me and what I do or do my best not to worry about it at all.

My mother is a perfectly wonderful woman.

Also, I believe one would simply worry about what their mother thinks when she has a heard of hippogriffs at her disposal.

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deerlyBeloved Profile

Hewwo Powice. I've just seen a murder.

he deserves more than this. also cw for date drugging reference

His love life is just a terrible joke, tbh.

it's true, he needs a break

Wait till Chloe finds out he might not be single anymore.

now he has no excuse

He can barely hug people. It's a work in progress!!!

hugs are different than sex, newt, she'll tell you all about that

that is like the exact opposite thing he wants her to tell him

he needs INFORMATION

He knows what sex is. He just doesn't partake in it. At all!!!

the information is on why he should be partaking in it, clearly. peer pressure.

Physical intimacy is SCARY

well......... yeah he's not wrong

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