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That's not what I meant, I- [Oh. This is going badly. And Hiccup feels it deep in his heart, a pang of fear that he could lose Newt over this. That's pretty telling, isn't it? Viewed through a different lens, things are starting to make sense, and he feels a little bit like the ocean is swallowing him up. Drowning in it.] Adamant about- Newt, you are my best friend here! That's not- You never would have lost me. You never will, I-

How was I supposed to know? You never told me! [He drags a hand through his hair, pretty mortified himself. Was it that obvious? How could he overlook something like that? They're Bonded, for Thor's sake.] You told me you fancied someone else, how could I know that- [He's never experienced having feelings for two people at once, not before now, apparently. Does he? Is that okay?

Odin give him wisdom, Thor give him strength. This is not how he thought the morning would go. But as he stares at Newt, going still, he has to admit it, like it's only just occurring to him too (and really, it is),] I think I have feelings for you too.

You can't- You can't promise me that. [Newt looks up at Hiccup and he looks almost heartbroken.] I already have had my heart broken by my best friend before. You can't just tell me it wasn't going to be a risk. [He had given up so much for Leta only for them to separate ways. For him to be heartbroken and bitter, yet still love her.

He didn't want that to happen with Hiccup.] How- That- You weren't supposed to know.

["Not really, no. I annoy People."

"And a little less-" "like me." "Well, it can't hurt."] I wasn't going to. [Newt had never had any real issues with himself. He was comfortable as who he was, but not many others had liked him. People at home. They thought him eccentric even by wizard standards. And really, eccentric was just a kind way of calling him odd.

And he doesn't know what to do with this confession. It was-] I don't want this. [Hiccup thinks he has feelings? What if he thought wrong?] Why don't you get on for a bit, Hiccup? You wanted your tunic to go out, right? Perhaps you should think a bit more before you go and give me a proper answer.

[That look on Newt's face is like a knife to the heart, like he thinks... like he really thinks he could lose Hiccup just from this. Hiccup is scared too that he might lose Newt, and they're both a mess and the Bond actually, for once, isn't helping, because it's hard to sort out his own feelings from Newt's.] As long as we're both here, I can. I'm not that person, Newt. [He won't leave just for this. It's a rough patch, sure, but- they'll get through it somehow. They have to, because he can't imagine going on in Aefenglom without Newt.

That part he knows. That part he's felt for a while now.

It stings, but he understands, when Newt tells him he should be going. It hurts, but it's fair; everything is so tangled right now, and he isn't sure what to do or say. He's always thought best alone, away from other people, in the air or on a cliff overlooking the sea.] I- I do have some errands to run today. [He scrubs a hand over his face, a little frustrated, a little upset, a little confused. Everything is so mixed up.] Look, I'm not- I'm not leaving you, no matter what. A few hours apart might... might be good, though, but-

But we will talk about this. Promise me that- that once I'm not so- so blindsided, you'll hear me out.

Edited 2020-02-01 12:19 (UTC)

I got expelled from school because of her. [It's very rare Newt has talked about certain particulars about his past. Especially things about his past that were far from good.] She endangered another student and I took the blame. I could have lost my wand. I risked a lot that day. [And the she broke his heart.

He needed Hiccup. It wasn't so simple where he could just believe that Hiccup wasn't that kind of person. He didn't think Hiccup was.

But he also didn't think Leta would have done that to him either.

Newt lets his gaze drop back down.] I didn't say you were leaving me. [He's just worried. That things might change and not in a good way.] I'd just like to hear an answer that's a bit more firm. [Something more than a thought. A fleeting fancy.]

My feelings won't change so soon, Hiccup. It's been months. What's really a few more days? You should be going. [It's really Newt's very polite way of asking Hiccup to get out of his room.]

[The thought of someone doing that to Newt, taking advantage of him, getting him in that much trouble... He's been around him and picked up just enough of wizarding culture to know that losing one's wand is one of the most serious punishments out there. He steps a little closer, and lays his hand very gently on Newt's arm, eyes sad and expression conflicted.] I would never- If you still think I could, maybe- maybe we both need a little time. [That's the one thing Hiccup knows. They both have to be sure. Hiccup doesn't do fleeting fancies, and Newt doesn't want it to be that.]

That's- that's fair. I'm, I'm sorry things happened like this, it- caught me off guard... [He trails off, and the wave of guilt is probably palpable. Guilt for things going like this, guilt for being oblivious for so long, for hurting Newt unintentionally. Guilt for not being smooth and perfect, for not knowing immediately what he feels or seeing the signs.]

I'm- okay. Yeah. [He's not so oblivious to a brush-off. Scrubbing a hand over his eyes, he grabs his tunic hastily from the dresser and takes a step out. Pausing in the doorway, he allows himself one more glance at Newt, mixed emotions churning in the Bond like a storm. For once it's more of a curse than a blessing.]

Call me still, if- if you need anything. Or someone. It doesn't... have to be me...

[People are just so complex. How they think and feel. Their wants. Creatures have always been easier for him to get along with. They were simple to understand. He could understand them so easily. People though. They were always a struggle.

It was always so difficult.]

What are you apologizing for? [How silly. It wasn't like Newt had intentions for him to find out. He had hoped that things might have gone a lot better though. Really. Theseus wondered why he hadn't been forthcoming about his feelings.]

I'll be fine, Hiccup. [Not that Hiccup probably actually believes that. January was still so fresh and Newt's recovery is still a thing.

But he's already turned his back on Hiccup for the time being. Instead, he stares at the top of his desk.

And Hiccup might hear the clatter as he walks out. The sound of perhaps books hitting the floor with soft thuds and maybe even something shattering. Just Newt shoving some of his stuff off his desk. Frustrated and upset. Had he put away that letter, this wouldn't have occurred in the first place.

He stares at the parchment now on the floor; not having the heart to just get rid of it. It was the only thing left he had from Theseus after all.]

[What is he apologizing for? A lot of things. This was never supposed to happen in the first place; Newt never intended to tell him about his feelings. And maybe... Hiccup is a generally selfless person, always willing to focus on someone else's needs and wants, but selfishly, maybe that hurts him, deep down, that Newt thought he couldn't just tell him. Then again, no wonder, with how badly this went.

He hears the clatter of objects being knocked off the desk or thrown around the room as he leaves, but he forces himself not to go back. Toothless meets him halfway to the exit, crooning inquisitively, sadly - as if he can sense his rider's distress. Hiccup sheds his dirty work shirt and dons the new tunic, and then settles a hand on Toothless's had as they walk.] Let's go, bud. [He needs some time in the air, crisp and cold, to clear his thoughts. Needs the adrenaline rush of a high-speed flight over the city.

A brief distraction before he has to face his own thoughts and desires, his worries and concerns, and figure out what to do about all this.

The only thing he knows is that he doesn't want to lose Newt.]

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